Returning to my desk one day

Encountered I a wee surprise

Upon the blotter sweetly lay

A candy heart before my eyes

 

HEY YOU it smiled, in letters red

A cheerful greeting, certainly

But what the morsel left unsaid

Was just who left it there for me

 

How wonderful! A secret friend

Anonymous and passing kind,

To thus my flagging spirit tend

And gently ease my weary mind.

 

For two days I did marinate

In fragrant broth of friendship true,

Ere word came from my candy-mate

In compressed sugar ME & YOU.

 

“Indeed,” thought I. “we noble pair,

United in camaraderie.”

But then SWEET LOVE ‘peared on my chair

And things went downhill rapidly.

 

Who was this amatory boor

Pursuing me with candied guile?

What awful passions lay in store?

What tooth decaying mash-notes vile?

 

 When tasty KISS ME hit my desk

I filed a beef with Personnel.

BE MINE struck me as so grotesque

I called the state police, as well.

 

MY PET, SOUL MATE and YOU’RE SO FINE

Made every day a horror show.

ALL MINE and MISS YOU crossed the line,

And on their heels XOXO.

 

These days the office is a place

Of sniffing dogs and rent-a-cops.

My colleagues hate me to my face,

And still sweet torment never stops.

 

CALL ME a BABY if you will,

But ASK ME if I’ll see this through,

And to myself BE TRUE until

I find out who’s CRAZY 4 U.