People who know me will tell you I’m totally visionary.
L-egant!
You see forest, I see trees.
I’m not judging.
I’m also not insensitive to momentous publish issues, and I perceive a crisis looming on the horizon that could soon engulf the nation in a firestorm of controversy.
A firestorm.
This year’s Superbowl is the 48th in a series.
In sports parlance, that’s Superbowl XLVIII.
Roman numerals are fun. They’re like a really easy puzzle, or a not-very-secret language that anybody can read and write.
And then there’s the whole historical thing. The Romans tallied the conquest and spoils of the known world in Xs and Vs, Ms and Cs.
How cool.
Do you suppose 2,614 Parthian prisoners are filthier and more barbaric than MMDXIV of them? I do.
I also think XVI ounces of steamed eel in light garum sauce probably go down easier than 16 ounces of the same.
How could they not?
By rigorous methods of calculation I conclude that next year’s Big Game will be Superbowl XLIX. Admit it – 49 looks good in Roman numerals. It has a nice symmetry, and plenty of Xs. People like Xs.
What’s my point? In 2016 (MMXVI to Lucretius), the Broncos and some lesser team to be determined later will face off in Superbowl 50.
Superbowl L.
How sweet will that be? Just L. As in LibeL.
L-oquent!
L as in Liberty.
L as in Licentious.
L as in Lucky, Loopy, Liederhosen and Lachrymose.
L as in Love.
I welcome the sentiment and the brevity. And folks who Love the Earth will surely approve of the economy. Without a shred of evidence or experience to back it up, I confidently predict a savings on the order of 4,752 metric tons in ink alone. That’s MMMMDCCII to Livy, and a whole passel of squid-juice.
And yet I worry.
I worry that there will be a strong temptation among the marketing set to express the event as Superbowl XXXXX.
Like I said – people like X.
X is sort of dangerous and a little bit naughty. X is seXy, and XXXXX is pure sin. XCVII percent of males between the ages of XIV and XXXII prefer X. It has a hard edge and an in-your-face attitude. X doesn’t care.
It just doesn’t.
L is different. It’s a team player.
L is polite. Modest and self-effacing. L sidles out of the mouth like it’s stepping out of church to sneak a smoke. It shows up V minutes early for everything and picks up after itself before it leaves.
L is your parents’ Roman numeral. Put a Lexus LE next to a Jaguar XK sometime if you don’t believe me. L has the first II seasons of Downton Abbey on VHS. It’s numerals Like L that built America.
I hope I’m wrong, but that’s not very Likely, is it? In advertising, form always precedes function and X looks good in a tuX.
Maybe it’s too soon to start fretting about the fate of Superbowl L. As a numeral, L‘s been around for at least MMD years and can take care of itself, right? Still, the X lobby has II years to get organized, and it plays rough.
Come on, Madison Avenue!
Have a heart, ESPN!
WWJD, Roger?
L’s been waiting a long time to come up in the rotation.
It deserves a chance to show what it can do.
L-ementary!